Truly Amae-zing

No one is perfect. Kung kaya’t sa hindi maiiwasang mga pagkakataon, ang madalas kong nasasabi sa tuwing nagkakamali ay, “Sorry, tao lang.” Tama bang gawin ang pagiging tao sa pagtakip ng mga pagkakamali?

Aray, ang sakit! Tinamaan ako. And I’m sure other people are guilty as well.

Most of us want to be successful. Sino ba naman ang taong ayaw yumaman? Ang magkaroon ng malaking bahay? Makapunta sa iba’t ibang bansa sa labas ng Pilipinas?

But… here’s the challenge – not everyone will be successful at their first attempt. Marami rin kasing mga sitwasyon na nakaka-abala sa atin tungo sa tagumpay. Ilan sa mga ito ay ang maling desisyon, kawalan ng pera at kakulangan ng kaalaman. Nung studyante nga kahit na nag-aaral na ako ng maayos, may oras pa rin na bumabagsak talaga ang mga grado ko. Even in start-up businesses, there is always a great possibility and risk of failing. Ngayon, hahayaan mo bang pigilan ka ng mga ganitong situwasyon sa pag-abot ng mga pangarap mo? Handa ka bang magsimula uli kahit mawala lahat ng pinaghirapan mo?

Personally, I think making excuses out of the circumstances around me is one of the obstacles towards success. Another one would be complaining without even trying something before arriving at a conclusion that it cannot be done.

Soon I will be another year older and that should also mean one year wiser. I cannot become who I want to be unless I eliminate this attitude. Therefore starting today, I will do my best to stop living in a world of excuses. I will be responsible for my actions and decisions.

As a closing, here’s a quote from one of my favorite authors – John Maxwell:

“In life, the question is not if you will have problems, but how you are going to deal with your problems. Are you going to fail forward or to fail backward?”

MAY na!!! Sa wakas nasundan rin ang aking previous entry. :) Hindi naman masyadong obvious na naging busy ako sa work. Hehe...

This month is filled with mixed emotions. Naging malungkot ako dahil overwhelming ang work load to the point na halos araw-araw ay nagpupuyat na kami ng mga ka-team ko. Hindi man artista ay may mga intriga ring kinaharap ang bidang kontrabida. Friendship almost lost. Obviously, all these things manifest that I am heading down - physically, intellectually and emotionally. (Forgive me for being emotera.)

Buti na lang nadyan si Bro. With His guidance I was able to BREAK THE FALL. There comes a time when you realize that problems are not there to bring you down rather exists to help you rise. That's why God gives opportunity for "special mistakes". These kind of mistakes make us better persons.

Besides, kapag masyado ka nang DOWN, wala nang ibang direksyon kundi UP, db?

Thank God talaga may magaganda ring nangyari this month... :) I got promoted and it's my 3rd year yesterday May 16, the Project is getting back on-track, I was able to finish my 'secret' mission last week, I will be able have another bonding time with my College friends this June (after ilang years? At dahil dyan makapagpost nga ng college pics! hehe) and most of all, I am looking forward to my Singapore Trip on my birthday, for a change! :)

Yes I think it's time to reward myself somehow considering all the events I've been through since the start of the month. At the end of the day, I can still say that everything was worth it. No regrets, just lessons :)

November 25, 2007 – I call this day “Great Revelation”. For some people, it is about catastrophe or devastation. For me, it felt like breaking free. Sabi nga nila “Walang lihim na hindi nabubunyag.” That moment proved it right. Minsan talaga ang katotohanan ay nalalaman sa hindi inaasahang pagkakataon but in God’s time.

Nag-gegeneral cleaning sila mommy and daddy nung time na ‘yon while my sister and I are resting. Daddy handed over a picture of mom in her younger years. Nung binigay sa akin, wala naman akong napansing kakaiba pero nung naiabot na sa kapatid ko, she asked the question that led to the Great Revelation.

“Mommy, diba May pinanganak si ate? Bakit hindi malaki ang tiyan mo dito?”

Then she mentioned the date – “March 14, 1986” (It was also my father’s birthday).

I was surprised, startled. I’m not even sure if those are the appropriate terms to describe what I’ve felt. Bigla ko na lang nasabing “Oo nga mommy, bakit ganon?”

Flashbacks ran into my head and one of those was when my pre-school classmate teased me “Ampon!” Tapos nung umuwi ako nagsumbong ako kay mommy. I asked her whether I was adopted. She did not respond with a yes or no ang sabi niya lang “Masuwerte ka dahil yung ibang bata hindi mahal ng mga magulang nila.” There were also times when other people ask me, “Bakit hindi mo kamukha ang daddy or mommy mo?”

For a while, natulala si mommy then looked at daddy and asked in a calm voice, “Gusto mo ba talaga malaman ang totoo?”

“Oo naman,” sabi ko.

I learned that my biological mother was a surrogate. Yung nagpapa-rent ng womb para magkapera. When she gave birth to me, sobrang hirap raw talaga sila to the point na ang pinapainom sa akin ay kape instead of milk. Sobrang nanghihina na ako ilang araw matapos ko isilang. Naawa yung lola ko she brought me to her friend – a midwife who resides within the area where one of my cousins lives. I also discovered that my parents have been married for 6 years but failed to have a baby ever since. Mommy told me that she used to pray everyday until that day came.

Sinabihan sila ng pinsan ko na may batang gusto ipaampon sa kapitbahay nilang kumadrona. Right away mommy knew that it was an answered prayer. Together with my uncle, she went to the place where the midwife lives (within Tondo). Sa dami ng nakita niyang mga sugat sa katawan ko, hindi na siya nagdalawang isip. Ang sinabi niya sa lola ko, dadalhin ako sa States. Inikot-ikot pa nga raw ung sasakyan para kung sakaling may sumunod. I did not have any information on my real mother and grandmother – not even their names.

Na-legalize rin ang pangalan at birth date ko (“Sol” was my real name). Almost everyday dala ako ni mommy sa pediatrician. Maraming gamot ang itinurok sa akin para maghilom ang mga sugat ko. Pinainom ako ng gatas. Alagang-alaga ako dahil para sa kanila hulog ako ng Langit. Kahit nung sanggol ako, hindi nakaririnig ang mga kapitbahay ng pag-iyak ko sa madaling araw. Everyone in the family called me “God’s gift”. A year after, Oct 5, 1987, mommy gave birth to my sister at siya naman ang tinawag na “Precious One”.

Like what I’ve mentioned earlier, this experience brought me freedom. Freedom from doubts on my true identity. Sa mga friends ko na nakakaalam nito, tinatanong nila ako kung ano naging pakiramdam ko after ko malaman ang totoo. I felt true happiness and love. Naisip ko na mayroon pa palang mga mabubuting tao gaya ng nanay at tatay ko na nakahandang magmahal ng tunay. They brought me up well. They taught me values like respect and obedience. Hindi man kami marangya, they did their best to provide my needs. They treated me and my sister like princesses.

I did not resent my parents for hiding the truth and I did not blame my biological mother or father (whoever and wherever he is). God allowed this to happen for a purpose. He proved that even though I came from nothing, I am capable of succeeding. God gave me skills and strength that I can use to attain my goals and to share with other people. I am unique and I am proud of being loved by this wonderful family ni minsan hindi ko na-feel na OP ako. This is where I belong. This is my home. I can never survive it without them.

Now, I know where I am heading and this will always be a reminder that sometimes God works in ways we cannot see or understand. However, upon reflection we will all realize that His love is always with us.

Can't believe that I just spent the weekend in the office. Lately, I've been trying my best to remain strong despite all the struggles.

There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life. We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us - God's plan.

I've seen that in one of the quotes site. Maybe it's really time - a start of something new.

Today, as the sun rises I decide to face the world with greater courage and faith. Besides, it's my father's birthday tomorrow. =)