Truly Amae-zing

November 25, 2007 – I call this day “Great Revelation”. For some people, it is about catastrophe or devastation. For me, it felt like breaking free. Sabi nga nila “Walang lihim na hindi nabubunyag.” That moment proved it right. Minsan talaga ang katotohanan ay nalalaman sa hindi inaasahang pagkakataon but in God’s time.

Nag-gegeneral cleaning sila mommy and daddy nung time na ‘yon while my sister and I are resting. Daddy handed over a picture of mom in her younger years. Nung binigay sa akin, wala naman akong napansing kakaiba pero nung naiabot na sa kapatid ko, she asked the question that led to the Great Revelation.

“Mommy, diba May pinanganak si ate? Bakit hindi malaki ang tiyan mo dito?”

Then she mentioned the date – “March 14, 1986” (It was also my father’s birthday).

I was surprised, startled. I’m not even sure if those are the appropriate terms to describe what I’ve felt. Bigla ko na lang nasabing “Oo nga mommy, bakit ganon?”

Flashbacks ran into my head and one of those was when my pre-school classmate teased me “Ampon!” Tapos nung umuwi ako nagsumbong ako kay mommy. I asked her whether I was adopted. She did not respond with a yes or no ang sabi niya lang “Masuwerte ka dahil yung ibang bata hindi mahal ng mga magulang nila.” There were also times when other people ask me, “Bakit hindi mo kamukha ang daddy or mommy mo?”

For a while, natulala si mommy then looked at daddy and asked in a calm voice, “Gusto mo ba talaga malaman ang totoo?”

“Oo naman,” sabi ko.

I learned that my biological mother was a surrogate. Yung nagpapa-rent ng womb para magkapera. When she gave birth to me, sobrang hirap raw talaga sila to the point na ang pinapainom sa akin ay kape instead of milk. Sobrang nanghihina na ako ilang araw matapos ko isilang. Naawa yung lola ko she brought me to her friend – a midwife who resides within the area where one of my cousins lives. I also discovered that my parents have been married for 6 years but failed to have a baby ever since. Mommy told me that she used to pray everyday until that day came.

Sinabihan sila ng pinsan ko na may batang gusto ipaampon sa kapitbahay nilang kumadrona. Right away mommy knew that it was an answered prayer. Together with my uncle, she went to the place where the midwife lives (within Tondo). Sa dami ng nakita niyang mga sugat sa katawan ko, hindi na siya nagdalawang isip. Ang sinabi niya sa lola ko, dadalhin ako sa States. Inikot-ikot pa nga raw ung sasakyan para kung sakaling may sumunod. I did not have any information on my real mother and grandmother – not even their names.

Na-legalize rin ang pangalan at birth date ko (“Sol” was my real name). Almost everyday dala ako ni mommy sa pediatrician. Maraming gamot ang itinurok sa akin para maghilom ang mga sugat ko. Pinainom ako ng gatas. Alagang-alaga ako dahil para sa kanila hulog ako ng Langit. Kahit nung sanggol ako, hindi nakaririnig ang mga kapitbahay ng pag-iyak ko sa madaling araw. Everyone in the family called me “God’s gift”. A year after, Oct 5, 1987, mommy gave birth to my sister at siya naman ang tinawag na “Precious One”.

Like what I’ve mentioned earlier, this experience brought me freedom. Freedom from doubts on my true identity. Sa mga friends ko na nakakaalam nito, tinatanong nila ako kung ano naging pakiramdam ko after ko malaman ang totoo. I felt true happiness and love. Naisip ko na mayroon pa palang mga mabubuting tao gaya ng nanay at tatay ko na nakahandang magmahal ng tunay. They brought me up well. They taught me values like respect and obedience. Hindi man kami marangya, they did their best to provide my needs. They treated me and my sister like princesses.

I did not resent my parents for hiding the truth and I did not blame my biological mother or father (whoever and wherever he is). God allowed this to happen for a purpose. He proved that even though I came from nothing, I am capable of succeeding. God gave me skills and strength that I can use to attain my goals and to share with other people. I am unique and I am proud of being loved by this wonderful family ni minsan hindi ko na-feel na OP ako. This is where I belong. This is my home. I can never survive it without them.

Now, I know where I am heading and this will always be a reminder that sometimes God works in ways we cannot see or understand. However, upon reflection we will all realize that His love is always with us.